A Joke a day..

[absolom7691]

As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost…

[dnar]

Just fill with Bloody Mary mix for that authentic look.

[buffo]

Just fill with Bloody Mary mix for that authentic look.

Adam

[dnar]

Here's your English lesson for the day! "Complete" or "Finished" ?

No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the
difference between "complete" and "finished."
However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London,
attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar
Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.

The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this:
"Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.'
Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."

Mr. Balgobin's response:
"When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.'
If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.'
And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are
'completely finished.'"

His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

[dnar]

Make sure your not eating or drinking when you watch this!

https://www.facebook.com/OccupyDemoc...4325792660475/

[dnar]

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
Then I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the male waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, Shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
"After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know what my colleagues do, but I use the spoon."

[dnar]

.

[Draco]

I found that at walmart

[dnar]

Aussie joke ..................

[Draco]

i guess potatoes are welcome in chile , i lest i think that's where it is