A Joke a day..

[wes]

Q. How can you prove that a dog is truly a mans best friend?

A. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

i'm stealin' that shit for another board.

[laserLips]

This had me in histeriks for 5 mins...

REMOVED

I couldnt do it to you guys

Is funny though

If you really want to see this one its http: // my lazy days . com

[stanwax]

The future of nursery rhyme

It's Raining, It's Pouring
Oh shit, it's Global Warming.

Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
'Pies you dummy!'

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too cause he was gay.


Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

This is my favorite

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

Rob

[steve-o]

-aaauuuggghhh..

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down, stuck his head in the bucket and drowned,
and Jill collected the insurance benefits, buried Jack, ran off with the insurance salesman, and lived off of the millions happily ever after. meh :\

[DZ]

I'm fond of Andrew Dice Clay's version, "Jack and Jill went up the hill, both with a buck and a quarter, Jill came down with $2.50, oh!"

[Insanity]

A young man named Gordon bought a donkey from an old farmer for £100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day, but when the farmer drove up he said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the donkey is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead.

Gordon replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "I can't do that because I've spent it already.

Gordon said, "OK then, well, just unload the donkey anyway.
The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?"

Gordon answered, "I'm going to raffle him off."

To which the farmer exclaimed, "Surely you can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, "Of course I can, I just won't bother to tell anybody that he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Gordon said, "I raffled him off, sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a huge, fat profit!!"

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

To which Gordon replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his £2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra £200, which as you know is double the going rate for a donkey, so he thought I was a great guy!!
Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer and no matter how many times he lied, or how much money he stole from the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them, unfortunately, still thought he was a great guy.

The moral of this story is that, if you think Gordon is about to play fair and do something for the everyday people of the country for once in his miserable, lying life, think again my friend, because you'll be better off flogging a dead donkey

[DZ]

I saw this on another site and thought it was hillarious. My wife doesn't get it, of course, but I'm sure you guys will!

[buffo]

I saw this on another site and thought it was hillarious. My wife doesn't get it, of course, but I'm sure you guys will!

HAHAHAHA!

Priceless David! Nothing like a little electrical humor.

Ok - here's an oldie but a goodie: Everyone remembers the Oscar Mayer bologna song, right? With the cute little kid singing about how his "bologna has a first name" and all that? (If you don't remember it - go to YouTube right now and watch the old commercial from the 1970's. You gotta have the song in your head for this next one to work...)

Ok - with that song in mind, we changed the lyrics slightly when I was in the Navy. This is the way we used to sing that song while underway on a submarine in the North Atlantic...

My reactor has a first name, it's N A V A L.
My reactor has a second name, it's classified as hell.
Oh, I love to SCRAM it, every day,
And if you ask me why I'll saaaaaaaaay....
'Cause radiation has a way of FUCKING up your D N A.

How's that?

Adam

PS: A "SCRAM" is an emergency shut down that stops nearly all nuclear reactions in the core in a matter of seconds.

[steve-o]

Reminds me of when I was in the nuclear missile silos in ND. But we didnt have a song, we just hoped like hell they didnt launch that sucker while we were in the hole... and then we would have been "black and crispy"

[stanwax]

My friend supplied his own 'additional' nursery crime

Mary had a little lamb
And she could hear it bleating
She found Rob Stanley in its pen
Giving his knob a beating

with friends like this....

Rob