A Joke a day..

[steve-o]

Oh, sorry dude.. I forgot this was the joke thread. I'll make up for it..>>
A QUESTION
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
ANOTHER QUESTION
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
A FINAL QUESTION
Whose idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
FINGER ACCIDENT
Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office. "What's wrong?" gasps her best friend Carol. "It's my boyfriend. He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!" "My god," shrieks Carol. "Did it amputate his whole finger?" "No, thank goodness," sniffs Judi. "But it was the one just next to it!"

[allthatwhichis]

"Did it amputate his whole finger?"

Should have said "hole" finger...

[stanwax]

that reminds me of....

A little boy runs in from the garden presenting a red and sore looking finger
'Mummy Mummy quick, do we have any Strongbow for this?'
'Strongbow for your finger?' she questions.
'Yes' he says my ball went into the bushes and when I went to get it I got this thorn in my finger'
'Whyever do you think Strongbow will help?' She asks.
'I dont know really, I thought thats what you did, because I just heard Mr Smith from next door telling the postman. He said 'that woman from next door, whenever she has a prick in her hand she likes to put it in cider'


Rob

[Spectrum]

The Assumption Song, great for a laugh, if your the assuming type...

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/460854

NOTE: Those with weak hearts should not watch this video, you have been warned.

[RGbee]

The Assumption Song, great for a laugh, if your the assuming type...

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/460854

NOTE: Those with weak hearts should not watch this video, you have been warned.

Ok, so how do you play the video
(Edit) found it on youtube

[Spectrum]

Ok, so how do you play the video

Click the **** You button to play it.

[hobbybob]

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing,nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoodick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he wasgone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how toshut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right... Voodoo dick, my ass!"

[DZ]

Oh damn, check out this dead thread I brought back to life.

Using this logic, I could open a car dealership and call it, "Dave's 99 cent Used Car Depot"

[wes]

amazing how it affects their web building!

[soforene]

And who says PL isn't educational !!